Monday Musings Thirty-eight: Two Loves

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Two Loves


Today being right before Valentine’s Day, I wanted to talk a bit about love. In my experience, two kinds of love exist: selfish love and selfless love. The selfish kind grasps and demands and tries to force a person to change and/or conform. Whereas the selfless sort accepts folks just as they are and helps them grow and blossom.

If we find ourselves trapped in a cycle of selfish love, where we cling and struggle to accept what is, then it is highly likely that we are actually rejecting ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot truly love another. If we truly love ourselves, we cannot hurt another.

I came across a lovely quote today by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross:

‘I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love.’

 This universal need for unconditional love and acceptance makes it so important to see yourself in others; after all, we all tremble before violence and fear death while loving life. When looked at that way, where can we find any differences?

When we live from a place of loving ourselves, we can live without pretence, listen without defence, speak without offence, and love without dependence. Without neediness. Of course, there areZen Stones for Monday Musings times when we struggle with such self-acceptance, and that is when we need a friend to help love us when we forget to love ourselves. However, when it comes right down to it, we don’t need acceptance from others but from within.

A successful relationship doesn’t contain two perfect people, but rather two imperfect folks who have learnt the value of forgiveness and acceptance, as well as mutual support. As I’ve mentioned in a previous Monday Musing, we don’t have to agree to be kind to one another.

Liberation and peace come not from discovering what is good or bad or advantageous, but from seeing what is (what exists right now) and allowing it to be. In this way, we starve the ego and feed the soul. We find true, unadulterated love.

Though it is good to give unconditional love, we also have to allow it to flow back to us; otherwise, we shall have no balance in life. We need to accept it without hesitation and without grabbing.

In your life, everyone holds a role. Many will test your resolve and patience, some will use you, and others might teach you. Some, too, will love you. And, sometimes, the same person brings us all these things at different times. Not one of us is just one type of personality all of the time. The truly important people bring out the best in you.

Be that person for your nearest and dearest—if not for everyone that you meet. Don’t be the one that puts people down or holds them back. Life isn’t a competition. In fact, the more love and support that we offer, then the more peace and success that we find for ourselves.

In the wise words of Zen:


‘You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.’

If you’ve missed my previous Monday Musings, you can find the links here: :)