Monday Musings Thirty-nine: The Blame Game

The Blame Game

From early childhood, we receive conditioning that teaches us to look to others to see how we’re doing. To gauge how good or bad a person we are. While this has its place and uses, we also need to see for ourselves. While children need guidance on how to behave until they learn compassion and the rules of polite society, as adults, we need to stand on our own two feet.

Part of this brings us back to Monday Musings 17 and 22 on owning it and not being a herd animal. If we act from a place of avoiding blame or seeking praise, then all of our actions will prove wrong. We will never get it right.

Whether in company or alone, we should act just the same. That is, live life in such a way that we have nothing to hide. Nothing to fear. If we wouldn’t do it in company, then why would we do it in private? If a thing is wrong, it is wrong, regardless of whether anyone but us is present to witness it. The same with those things we would deem as right. If it’s good to do, then do it. You don’t need an audience. No praise, no blame, just right living. For you.

A side-effect of living in such a way is that we don’t manipulate our environments so much anymore. We are better able to accept what is instead of trying to force circumstances and people to meet our wants. When we need to manipulate, what we are actually doing is hiding. We live our lives in darkness and secrecy. The opposite of owning our life is to reject it.

Do you wish to live like a child or as an adult? The choice comes down to you. And if you live with someone who tries to control you, then it’s time to find skilful ways of managing that situation and your life. And, remember, to seek help is not a sign of weakness but rather one of strength.

To take charge of your world is to take charge of yourself. It is to have the courage to make the changes that you need to make, irrelevant of the opinions of others. It takes resolve and perseverance to forge your own path and become your own person. But, oh, what a relief it is when you achieve your liberation. When you can accept yourself fully, imperfections and all, then you have found true freedom. You have found a place outside of praise and blame. You have found your true heart.

In the wise words of Zen:

‘Just as a solid rock is not shaken by the storm, even so, the wise are not affected by praise or blame.’

If you’ve missed my previous Monday Musings, you can find the links here: https://harmonykent.co.uk/category/monday-musings/