The Tangled Webs We Weave
Quite often, we are our own worst enemy and harshest critic, especially when things go wrong. To add insult to injury, it would be a rare thing for us to judge others in the same severe way. Instead, we would be more inclined to offer them our support. So, why can’t we do that for ourselves?
We tend to make black and white comments inside our heads, and take them as truth, when the reality is usually decidedly grey. The things we tell ourselves, subconsciously or in full awareness, directly affect how confident or inadequate we feel and how able we become to deal with a situation that faces us. We have the option to either tear ourselves down or build ourselves up. For sure, it serves nobody to call ourselves stupid or worse.
The trouble is, what we think is what we get. What we think is what we become. What we think is what we attract toward us. Whether this bodes for good or ill is entirely up to us. It is worth, once in a while, taking the time to stop. Just stop, and notice the kinds of thoughts we habitually think. Pause and listen. What is our mood? What lies behind it? Are we automatically self-defeating?
Constantly, as we experience each second of each day, we tell ourselves things. And, oh, the tangled webs we weave. And then we wonder why we get caught up, why we get stuck, and add insult to injury by becoming more and more frustrated, which just adds to the glue. The spider of our mind lies in wait, ready to pounce, and injects its venom at every opportunity.
What happens if we turn all of this around? What then? We break the web of self-deceit. We free ourselves from the cloying, suffocating cocoon. We might even see a way forward, and even if not, we will surely find a more peaceful space in which to sit and wait for that longed-for resolution.
A while ago, when writing a magazine article, I came across a wonderful quote:
‘Your mind is a garden
Your thoughts are the seeds
You can make flowers
Or you can make weeds.’
A friend of mine is going through an incredibly tough time right now. In supporting him, I can see that one of his biggest obstacles comes because of trying to jump ahead all the time. This gets us nowhere but muddled and upset. Sometimes, we just have to wait for things to ripen. And it serves no purpose to try and guess or speculate on what might or might not happen next.
The wise words of Winston Churchill, ‘If you are going through hell, keep going’, show us how important it is not to get stuck where we are. In the same vein, while we want out of hell desperately, we have to remain aware of our surroundings right here and now; otherwise, we’re likely to get burned.
The most important thing is that when we fall, we get up again. The worst we can do is to give up and stay on the floor.
Often, at our worst moments, when our heads spin and minds whirl, the best we can do is to breathe. To climb down from our heads, and come back to ourselves and our situation, it is helpful to sit and count each breath. Breathe in, count one. Breathe out, count two. Up to ten then start again. Try and feel the ground beneath your feet; the seat upon which you rest. Ground yourself. Only then will you have a chance at seeing a way forward or finding some modicum of peace within hell while keeping on going. At the very least, you stop weaving more tangled webs.
In the wise words of Zen:
‘The one who falls and gets up
is so much stronger
than the one who never fell.’
If you’ve missed my previous Monday Musings, you can find the links here: https://www.harmonykent.co.uk/category/monday-musings/